Be the master...

I was beginning to wonder if I was turning into a co-dependent baby.

I thought hubby and I had this great relationship, one where we each give and take. One where we compromise and share our feelings to work out what's best for us or the family. One that is the absolute definition of love (are you picturing all of the fat red hearts that should be encircling this paragraph?)

And then he was gone last night and I had no idea what the heck to do with myself after the boys were in bed. I ALWAYS like to have time to myself. Surely I had plenty of good ideas in which to partake. But nothing was coming to me.
I started feeling sorry for myself. I felt I had no project nor undertaking that would be beneficial for just ME. Even though I've been wanting to pick up my guitar again, find time to write again, and listen to those Spanish learning Cd's again.

But let's be realistic here. It was 8:30 pm and I was ready to veg out. However no new Netflix movie had arrived. No new book had captured my attention. And there was no zoning out occurring because of the lack of cable TV. I had watched a little of the diving at the Olympics but I was in no mood that night for women's volleyball or for a gruesome murder show. Come on! I wanted to shout. It's Wednesday night! Can someone throw me a frigging bone here? (This last from Dr. Evil in Austin Powers.)

I took a shower and thought about the fact that hubby and I are going through a tremendous change in our relationship. However, not one where I am co-dependent. I hope not anyway.

He's started graduate school. He is going for a Master's of Business Administration 2nights a week for the next 2 years. This is wonderful! I'm really excited for him. Even though he may not agree because he doesn't like to think of himself as a business man, (or rather one who must dress appropriately to be in the line of business-he's just more comfortable in cargo shorts and his trademark paisley button-down) this program will suit him really well. He's a natural leader and does fabulously with communication (and he's a tech guy!) The MBA can only open more doors for him, whether at his present job or somewhere else.

Although, it's going to be tough. For Hubby, he will have to work all week, normal hours. And those 2 nights of "school" he will go straight from work to class. He will have studying to do as well. But if anyone can pull all of that off, it's him.
I know other people do this as well and come out of it with flying colors, like I know he will.

And me, well...a friend having gone through this exact scenario warned me that there was a "What about me?" feeling. She said one might question what she's doing at home when her partner is busy with both work and grad school. And the partner not in school may also feel a little left behind. And this came from a working mom! I just didn't expect that feeling to transpire the VERY FIRST night that hubby was gone, at orientation no less!

I think this will be good for both of us. We're going to have to figure out a good schedule for both of us, as well as time for both of us. I think I will need to find some good projects and some good books. And I am thinking of graduate school for me for the next year... I do think it will be important to ensure a good bloody movie has arrived on Mondays and Wednesdays from Netflix!

Small moments

It was cold, wet, foggy, and rainy this past weekend in the middle of August in Fort Collins, Colorado. The high was 53 degrees Fahrenheit. In August! We were all happy it cooled off from the upper 90's of July but this...this was a little extreme on the cold front.

Nonetheless, early on Sunday morning, I woke up and decided our husky black lab Mexican wolf mixed dog named Zorro, deserved a long and tiring walk. He hadn't been getting as much exercise as a dog of his stature should be. Of course, the weather was not making this easy and neither was the fact that I had been a bit lazy on the walking front.

I loved how it was so quiet and that no one seemed to be out at 6:30 am on a Sunday. It was as if I had this strange fall-feeling-summer-looking town all to myself. We walked the 8 blocks or so to the neighborhood dog park and found no dogs nor humans there.

The dog park is nice because there is a track that surrounds the whole of it. I began my first lap as Zorro promptly made 3 large poos all in a row. I think he was very excited to have the dog park all to himself!

I was lost in thought about that whole difference between being alone and being lonely. I was enjoying being alone so much, as if I hadn't been alone in a very long time. Come to think of it, it HAD been a very long time. Summer had been busy with kids' activities. I felt like for the first time in a long time, my quiet time outside with the dog was finally my own time.

Of course, a lady showed up with 2 dogs on the opposite side of the dog park. I was feeling unjustifiably interrupted, as if someone walked in on me in my backyard dancing around and singing at the top of my lungs. But Zorro quickly hurried off to greet her dogs and smell their bums, obviously not feeling intruded upon.

As I caught up to the lady and the dogs, she told me how beautiful Zorro was. (He is in fact, a beautiful dog!) I heard and understood her, but realized that it was difficult to do so. I wasn't sure why this was at first but then as she and I continued walking the track together, as if we were old friends, I understood.

She was a plump lady, probably in her early 40's. She had short brown-ish hair streaked with gray. She wore glasses and sweat pants. She had a kind face and gentle eyes. She talked about getting her 4 and 7 year old dogs at the humane society and how often people don't want older dogs but she felt blessed to have these 2 great companions. We talked about Zorro and how we had had him as a 7 week old pup. She couldn't pronounce the 'Z' in his name. And when she told me one of her dogs names, I couldn't understand her. I thought she said "Thathie". She didn't seem embarrassed or shamed at having to tell me 2 more times before I realized her name was Sadie.

When she turned her head and wasn't looking at me, I asked her what she thought of all the rain we'd been having. She didn't answer.

A moment later she smiled kindly and told me it was really nice chatting and that she had to go. She called her dogs and off they went.

After she left, we had the park to ourselves again but it felt a little different this time. I ended up not feeling intruded upon at all, and indeed felt like I'd had one of those short but meaningful interactions. I talked to this woman for maybe 5 minutes but I was touched by what a sincerely nice person she was. She made my quiet time on a Sunday morning even more enjoyable, more relaxing, and more lovely just because of what kind of person she was, just because she was one of those people who is easy to be with. Who cared what her hair looked like or what she did for a living, or even if she could hear well. She was a real person who brought real joy with her to that dog park.